This Is The FASS Show
(You Are My Sunshine)This is the FASS show, the unsurpassed show, Maybe the last show you'll ever see, If we're not cautious, you'll all be nauseous, At our scenes of depravity. So please stay seated, please don't feel cheated, And you'll be treated to some great times, We all have terrors of making errors, As we lose our cues and our lines. Some jokes are new, dear, some come from last year, If you think that's weird, what you don't know, We've block the exits, there's lots of sex, it's Time for FASS, so here we go. [ Top ] [ Index ]
University Bookstore
(Winchester Cathedral)University Bookstore, you're bringing me down, Your prices are high Your line-ups surround, the building University Bookstore overcharges and then The University Bookstore Overcharges again If a course needs a book Take a look They know what to do: They handle them all Large or small By ordering 27 too few. Overcharges on paper, overcharges on books The University Bookstore I think that they're crooks! The students are shocked by, the money they owes At University Bookstore You pay through the nose! (WHILE HOLDING THEIR NOSES) Fo-doh-de-doh-doh Fo-doh-de-doh-doh Fo-doh-de-doh-doh De-doh-doh! [ Top ] [ Index ]
Hey, Food
(Hey, Jude)Hey, Food... don't crawl away... Why don't you stay A little longer? Starvation is really making me ill Eating this swill Make me feel better. CHORUS: Better, better, better, better... [ Top ] [ Index ]
Food Services' Food
(Food, Glorious Food)Food, Glorious Food There's nothing can beat it Food Services food Nobody can eat it Murder burgers and onion rings (Edible if you're lucky) Deep-fried Colonel's budgie wings From Ken-tucky Food glorious food Bacterial cultures Food Services food Fit eating for vultures. Rice pudding and mystery meat Brown beans from the Navy Stale cornflakes and graham wheat What's in the Gravy? [ Top ] [ Index ]
In The Gravy
(In The Navy)In the Gravy, you can see things swim around In the Gravy, germs and viruses abound In the Gravy, come and see just what we've caught In the Gravy, in the Gravy They've got stew, they've got stew They've got stew down at Village Two They've got stew, they've got stew They've got stew down at Village Two [ Top ] [ Index ]
South Campus Hall
(YMCA)South Campus Hall, it's fun to eat at the South Campus Hall... [ Top ] [ Index ]
I Want To Be A Superhero
(Just An Old-Fashioned Love Song)SMEDLEY: I want to be a superhero Flying 'bout and changing wrong to right I want to be a superhero Fighting all the villains of the night I know I've said it before And the countless times I've tried But I know I'll do it this time If you'll be by my side I want to be a superhero Chasing after villain, thief and crook I want to be a superhero And maybe I'd get my own comic book. LOIS: Oh, Smedley what can I say I'll love you all the time Yes, I will be by your side As you go fighting crime I know that you can do it Smedley Know that you can do it if you try I know you'll be a superhero And I'll be there to watch you as you fly BOTH: (You're/I'm) going to be a superhero LOIS: You could take me flying through the air BOTH: (You're/I'm) going to be a superhero SMEDLEY: Dressing up in coloured underwear. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Plato's Retreat
(Lollipop Guild)We represent, The Faculty Club The Faculty Club The Faculty Club. We represent, The Faculty Club, And we thought that we'd come in to kiss your (PREGNANT PAUSE)... hand! [ Top ] [ Index ]
50 Ways To Screw The Students
(50 Ways To Leave Your Lover)Think up some creative tricks to get them where it hurts A skillful way to make sure they will quickly lose their shirts A little thought should surely help us to get our unjust desserts There must be, fifty ways to screw the students. Just treat them like mud, Jud, Give them an exam, Sam. Tow their buggies away, Ray. But make sure they pay. Lower their loans, Joan. Make'm pay through the nose, Rose. You can charge by the day, Gay. But make sure they pay. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Coal
(Tang-Spam)Coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Stupid coal, ridiculous coal, Nasty coal, detestable coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Coal Coallll... [ Top ] [ Index ]
Our Hearth
(Our House)Our Hearth, is a very-very-very fine Hearth. With coal bins and a flue; We work from dawn 'til two; Shaking and raking and baking Food Services' stew... [ Top ] [ Index ]
Neil Young Eat Your Hearth Out
(Heart Of Gold)We want to think, we want to drink We want to get out of this stinking hole This job's a write-off, we want a night off But still we're filling up this hearth with coal And we're getting old... [ Top ] [ Index ]
Intrepid Astros
(Junior Birdmen)Up in the air, intrepid astros Up in the air, upside down Up in the air, intrepid astros Get your astros off the ground. And when you hear the great announcement That the meeting's just begun, gun, gun Then you know, intrepid astros, To start eating Egg Foo Yung. It takes five gold rings Four calling birds Three french hens Two turtle doves And one... thin... partridge in a pear tree Superhero (Red Rubber Ball) Some day I'll know Just what I can do It's a lesson I must learn In a day or three or two Can I fly beyond the sky Or swim beneath the sea Can I get a decent-paying job Despite my Ph.D. Yes, I'm gonna find out soon Just what kind of powers I have And then I'll get a TV show Like Hulk or Superman. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Superhero Reprise
(Red Rubber Ball)I've always known That Smedley's sort of weird But what he's up to now Is worse than I had feared Someone has to stop him fast Before he breaks his neck Because the guy is playing now With only half a deck Yes, I've gotta find him soon Cuz he's gonna hurt himself By doing things that should be left To Hulk or Superman. [ Top ] [ Index ]
A Spaceship
(Ach Du Lieber Augustine)We will build a spaceship, a spaceship, a spaceship, We will build a spaceship to fly up the stack. With fuel cells and windows and no navigation With paraphenalia we ain't thought of yet. Off to the disco, disco, disco, Off to the disco to find us some help. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Studio /360
(Puff The Magic Disco)Studio /360, you're our favourite place To drink and disco dance till dawn In vinyl pants and lace Studio /360, who could ask for more? We'll shake our precious booties till We crash right through the--- Through the floor, through the floor Stamp your feet right through the floor Through the floor, through the floor Ahh---- Studio /360, we come here to dance And we also come to get inside each other's pants Studio /360, we just have to smile At the way you cater to our vacuous life--- Vacuous, vacuous, Just don't think or raise a fuss, Vacuous, vacuous, Ahh---- Studio /360, we don't care a bit, If we wake some monster up and it gets in a snit, Studio /360, even if you're doomed, Satisfaction will be ours because we'll die well--- Die well-groomed, die well-groomed, Collapse the roof and be entombed, Die well-groomed, die well-groomed, Ahh---- [ Top ] [ Index ]
WIDJET
(A Bicycle Built For Two)WIDJET, WIDJET, Give me your answer, do. I just fidget, Waiting in queue for you. As soon as my bug's detected, My job can be corrected; But I'll be here At least a year, At queue number ninety-two! [ Top ] [ Index ]
I Forget With You Milk
(Thank You Very Much Milk)Suddenly the memory stops My mind is wiped quite clear There's nothing left inside my head It's like back in first year I forget with you (ahhh...) Milk. Thoroughly this memory soap Goes rinsing through my brain And all the things I thought I knew Are washed right down the drain I forget with you (ahhh...) Milk. La la la la la (uhhh...) la. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Hey Sue
(Octopus's Garden)Hello there, Sue. We'd like to do Delicious and delightful things for you. We'll bring you flowers Or whiskey sours A case of Fifty or a case of Blue. If you will let us have our kicks We'll even take you to Fed Flicks We love you so. Please don't say no. Oh let us do delightful things for you. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Hi Ho
(Hi Ho)Hi ho, hi ho, we're off to face the foe If they've got guns we'll lose our buns We know, we know And yet we go, hi ho, We're off to face the foe, If they shoot us, we'll raise a fuss, Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho... etc. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Over At The PRG Place
(Over At The Frankenstein Place)In subterranean darkness, We are filled with fright: Then a sight. Turns our night to dawn Although we still can not, find the john. CHORUS: There's a light ... (over at the PRG place) There's a light ... (burning up Food Services' waste) There's a light, a light, At the end of the tunnel tonight. The Aliens must go, Home again to their own galaxy. We shall get free, So we can save the University. We will foil their plan; We'll foil their plan. CHORUS [ Top ] [ Index ]
No Way, Jose
(Scarborough Fair)We're not going to tell you a thing The idea's completely absurd You will never get us to sing No, we'll not reveal a word [ Top ] [ Index ]
Torn Between Two Tow-Trucks
(Torn Between Two Lovers)Torn between two tow-trucks That's what you will be If you choose Not to give The formula to me [ Top ] [ Index ]
You Can't Do Anything
(Anything You Can Do)ALIENS: You can't do anything better than us cats You guys are hopeless, you haven't a chance, CO-OPS: Yes we do ALIENS: No you don't CO-OPS: Yes we do ALIENS: No you don't CO-OPS: Yes we do ALIENS: No you don't, no you don't CO-OPS: Your team has lost it before you've begun, cats Right from the start you can see we will win. ALIENS: No you won't CO-OPS: Yes we will ALIENS: No you won't CO-OPS: Yes we will ALIENS: No you won't CO-OPS: Yes we will, yes we will [ Top ] [ Index ]
Sergeant Peppers Band
(Close Encounters Theme)Ser-geant Pep-pers Band. [ Top ] [ Index ]
You Funded Me
(You Needed Me)I scraped and starved, I paid my dues: Cold lonely nights, Kraft dinner blues. My every cent Went for tuition fees, I only bought The bare necessities: Sex, drugs and downhill skis. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Sex & Drugs & Downhill Skis
(Sex & Drugs & Rock'n'Roll)Sex and drugs and downhill skis, Are what my student loan is for. Sex and drugs and downhill skis, And good times by the score. If you think my life is frugal, prim and prudent, Then you've never met an av'rage co-op student, Firebirds and dope, beer and getting screwed, ent- irely devoid of morals, this is the life for me. Sex and drugs and downhill skis, Enough to last for thirty years. Sex and drugs and downhill skis, And now and then some beer. I did not come here to fill my head with knowledge, But to flush it out through excess alcoholage, After which I'll need a mental overhaul, a j- olly good vacation, one which I don't intend to end. [ Top ] [ Index ]
The Banana Blitz Song
(The Banana Splits Song)One banana, two banana, three banana, four, Stuff bananas in your face 'til you can stuff no more. Five banana, six banana, sev'n banana, eight, Afterwards I'm sure that you will not be feeling great. La la la, la la la la; La la la, la la la la. [ Top ] [ Index ]
The Show So Far
(Science Fiction Double Feature)Cy Nusitis was ill from eating Village 2 swill Prof L.Lactic found out he was canned And Smedley Merkin was there, in Velcro underwear Clogged Drains was the big problem at hand Well, the Aliens tried, yes they cheated and lied As the humans made their final stand And while the AIA crashed, and the co-ops were trashed Administration hides in the can At the...university in commotion The Mad Professor will brew a potion See Aliens fighting co-op students The campus crawls with hairy mutants Woh oh oh oh ooh Here at the nineteen-eighty FASS show I paid my dough Woh oh oh oh ooh To the nineteen-eighty FASS show. [ Top ] [ Index ]
The Bonzo Cat In The Hat Comes Back
(The Rain In Spain)SOP: Now it should be apparent That our problem is inherent- ly quite simple, I am sure you will concur: When the suds go down the spout We need a way to let them out Or else we'll soon possess the filthiest of fur. But there's another little extra If our sewers run unvexed, a Side-effect which I expect will bring good cheer: For when your sink's correctly used It helps the Bonzo Cats get boozed Thanks to a method which I hope to make quite clear. SOP: Care to describe what you see, Euripides? EUR: It's plain the drain is mainly filled with rain. SOP: Once again. EUR: It's plain the drain is mainly filled with rain. SOP: I think you've got it. I think you've got it. EUR: The stained drain rain drain's main drains on the pane. SOP: By George, you've got it. By George, you've got it. M&F: The pane rain hits the reigning Dane. ARI: Hits his brain, wets his mane. M&F: The rain's his bane, so he's profane. ABS: Not Jane, nor Cain, nor Thane ordained. A&A: The rained Dane lifts his cane and hits the vane, MOR: The weathervane, 'cause he's profane, A&A: The Dane's cane hits the crane and causes pain, FEL: Not sprain nor strain, not slain but pained. SOP: The crane exclaims, and hails the plane, ALL: Holding grain for the train, SOP: The crane-hailed plane then finds the train, ALL: With the grain the plane obtained. ALL: The train collects the grain dropped from the plane, M&F: The plane-dropped grain rains on the train, ALL: And takes the grain contained across the plain, A&A: The rain train grain across the plain. EUR: Whilst winnowing week-old wheat whisky will wesult. ABS: We use the booze to make us snooze. SOP: So tell me plain, where goes the train's grain? EUR: It is drained from the train ARI: To comfort pain so cats won't wane; ABS: If they abstain they are insane. SOP: Explain the chain! ALL: The maned Dane's stained drain pane rain makes crane pain. Main rain wets brain, profane lane cane. The trained plain grain train drains the grain contained! [ Top ] [ Index ]
I Want To Be A Superhero (Reprise)
(Just An Old-Fashioned Love Song)He got to be a super hero Guess the earth has really had some luck. And now that he's a super hero He and Lois can go home and (muck around the house a bit and...) [ Top ] [ Index ]
Bye Bye Earth
(Bye Bye Love)Bye bye world Hello oblivion, We're tired of liv-i-on And so we're gonna die, Bye bye the earth, goodbye. There goes the planet to Bonzo Cat, And we'll be killed now, imagine that. Oh yes, the world's in an awful way, We wish that someone would save the day. [ Top ] [ Index ]
Bye Bye FASS
(Bye Bye Love)Bye bye FASS, this is the closing song, It won't take very long, and then we'll say goodbye Bye bye FASS, goodbye. Bye bye FASS, it's time for us to go, Hope you enjoyed the show, endings make us cry, Bye bye FASS, goodbye. Our show is done, but, don't lose your cheer. We'll have more fun, just, this time next year. There's a quotation, we used to know: If there's no au-dience, there ain't no show! Bye bye FASS, this is the closing song, It won't take very long, and then we'll say goodbye Bye bye FASS, goodbye. Bye bye FASS, it's been a lot of fun, See you in Eighty-One, now we say goodbye, Bye bye FASS, goodbye. [ Top ] [ Index ]